05/07/2009

Hi,

Today I'm baking some stuff for the kids school and girl scouts. This scout thing is eating me up. It's taking over space in my house, my time and my mental state. What frustrates me more is that other adults just abandoned it and they don't think of the kids they're leaving with a bad impression what being a scout could be.

On another note, I've been listening to Dave Ramsey all morning. Trying to figure out how to get ahead financially more than we've been. This is so not how my life planned, but at least the hospital is payed off now. I think a lot about that hospital stay. There were so many benefits that came with having the tumors removed, but it also removed the chance for any pregnancies. You'd think I'd be glad about that since I had kind of been done having kids with the two girls, but there's a difference in making that decision on you own and having it made for you. Often times I'll look at our neighbor's daughter and think about our youngest who would've been just a few weeks different in age than her. I picture how they would've been in kindergarten together and maybe been doing the school programs. Cas and Ravi would've been such great big sisters. Cas is so nurturing and patient and selfless. Ravi can seem self involved, but if you watch her she would give anything to try and make someone happy and they both are very contemplative individuals. I can only imagine them sharing that with their brother. He would've been spoiled. However, nobody could ever have been more surprised at the 2 kids I have than me. My childhood was, different, let's say. Being a parent was something I didn't know how to do or ever planned on doing. I was scared of all the what ifs. Cas and Ravi have made all the difference in the world to me. Somethings I've learned from raising them, that I never learned from my parents is that it's okay to say "I don't know", or "I was wrong, I'm sorry." You can say "No" with out being mean about it.

Wow, I never realized how boring I can be when left to my own devices. I should write something fun. ---Sunshine- lollipops- cute kittens- baseball. There, now you have fun things to remember about reading this.